Baby #6 Gender Reveal Pinata!

So we decided to mix this up a bit. Instead of just letting the ultrasound technician tell us whether we're having a boy or a girl, we brought with a few of our kids to our ultrasound, and asked the technician to write the gender of our baby and place the telltale pic of him or her inside the envelope. We stopped at the store on the way home and picked out 1) pink candies and treats 2) blue candies and treats 3) a pinata.

We gave the envelope to my mom and the kids and let them have fun stuffing and decorating the pinata with the appropriate color surprises, and later that night video taped us all whapping it to find out if we are having a boy or a girl! 

Dad had the winning hit...a home run!

It's a boy! Yup...we're definitely mixing it up here.

Back in the Saddle Again...

Back again...back to what you ask? Well, it does have a double meaning! Obviously, I'm actually posting again for the first time in forever (Oh why must I always do that and get a song stuck in my head!?). But, also, and more significantly, I'm back to having a baby again! Yup...should we really be surprised? Well, I for one was! We'll soon be sporting a half dozen little ones around in our Suburban. And yes, again, I'm just having one this time! My blog title will not be changing to triple twinning... (and I'm very relieved about that!)

So, that's the big announcement. Congrats and warm wishes and lots of prayers are welcomed! But can I use my own blog to vent a bit?

Announcing your sixth child (even if it's only your fourth pregnancy!) in our society is a bit like getting re-married for the 5th or 6th time,. At least in my surroundings. Here are some of the warm wishes my husband or I have received in response to sharing the news so far:

"Are you sure you know what you are doing?"

"Oh no...please tell me it's just one!"

"You know, you really need to get fixed."
"Are you guys crazy?"

"Ya, I still need to get the snip snip done too"

Ok, I have to admit there were a few positive responses from few friends that actually involved smiles instead of a full view of their tonsils, and even happy words, thank God! But many of the responses you see above came from the people closest to us. This is really depressing. It has been so hard to announce what should be happy news, because most of what we receive is either jeering or criticism or lamenting. Are we supposed to feel ashamed we are bringing another human into this world? Have we somehow made everyone else's life worse? Why is it that that those in our life who are supposed to be the most supportive and helpful can only criticize or shame us?

 Were my husband and I totally planning for, prepared for, and anticipating this? No. Did we know and accept that it was a slight possibility based on our birth control choices and history of fertility? Yes. Does that make our lives a complete mess and failure. No! We are actually excited by this surprise, and feel that if the Good God above determined this is the best, most fruitful path for our lives, so be it. We are His. Does that mean there won't be devastating challenges and sleepless nights? Ha! We already know there will be. But welcome to life, where nothing worth doing is ever easy! Does that mean we don't need the love and support of our family and friends...of course we still do! So, family, friends, if you are reading this, please know that we love you and appreciate you, now more than ever! Please be with us and support, help and encourage us.We really don't need shame and criticism at this point in life.

And to you innocent bystanders out there reading this, if someone tells you that they're having their 5th, 6th or 20th child, I think you should say "Congratulations!" with a big smile on your face. If you really want to love on them, ask them, "How are you feeling about that?" and then talk through their feelings with them... instead of just giving them a piece of your own. And if you have a 5th, 6th or 20th child, then go right ahead and share your own heart and wisdom with them.

Ok, thanks for listening. I'll try to blog more while I'm on my pregnancy journey. Right now, Baby is due right at Christmas. Should be fun :)

Herstory II

The following was published in the Minnesota Valley Mothers of Multiples August and September newsletter as a continuation of the first "Herstory" I wrote about 5 years ago.

Herstory II

About 5 years ago, I wrote a ‘Herstory’ for the MVMOM newsletter about life as a mom to identical twin girls. I’ve since re-posted that on my blog if you would like to read it in full here.

Only a few months after writing that, I became pregnant again. We figured that if we could survive twin girls with personalities and quirks as intense as theirs, we could survive just one of any kind of child for another go-around – and maybe even have a chance to enjoy it! We went for an early ultrasound, at the strong suggestion of our doctor. 

We suspected nothing. I had said a prayer that the baby was healthy as we went in. I lay at on the examining table intently watching the TV screen. Mike, my dear hubby, sat faithfully by my side, thumbing through a magazine. The friendly tech doused me in the familiar warm goo and proceeded immediately. She was silent for a moment as she examined the screen, when I broke the silence, “Honey…does that look familiar to you?” I asked. He looked cluelessly up from his reading trying to get his bearing, and completely unaware what he was about to realize. “I see two big black jelly beans on that screen” I told him. The ultrasound tech jumped in to confirm my suspicions, “Two sacs, two heartbeats.” Just four words, cradling more meaning than we could wrap our heads around in that moment. 

Even if you’ve had twins already before, or triplets, or quintuplets, or a single child – or 4 of them, you still don’t know what, or really, who, is coming and just what this will mean for the rest of your life. Let’s just say, we went ‘all in’ and were honored that God would let us have a chance to do this all again - and prayed for His compassion on our health and sanity and to give us the ability not only to survive, but maybe even to remember some of it this time! Though we certainly were a little nervous how that prayer would be answered.

All experienced parents like to claim that subsequent children are easier (after your firstborn(s)), simply because you are more experienced, more at ease and confident. While our little Nora and Stella (# 3 & #4) - were ‘easier’,  I certainly don’t believe it had anything to do with my experience or change in attitude (ok, perhaps, but only a smidge!) In fact, we could tell in the hospital minutes after [a relatively easy and uneventful, yet induced birth at 38 weeks] how at ease they were with the world, happily nursing and sleeping. A ‘far cry’ from our experience the first time! But both times we felt so lucky, and blessed simply in that all our children, babies and mom, were healthy and well, not to mention that I had avoided my fear of having surgery. (All my birth stories are on my blog if you wish to read them, at www.tandemtwinning.com) But the real blessing was getting to do it all over again.

And get a do-over we did! Many things were different. Schedule, who needs that? We have nowhere to go! Instead of crying and fighting them to sleep in their cribs, I threw up the white flag and just brought them to bed with us. I was better rested, and better able to enjoy and remember mom-hood. Nora and Stella were learning some words before they were a year old and even would follow simple instructions I gave them. By the time they were 2, they were better at cleaning up and throwing away trash than their big sisters! They wore shoes for the first time without crying or refusing to walk and they would sit in a stroller or shopping cart happily for the entire trip.  Things were oh-so very different…things were what a person would expect things to be like when you have two babies. We realized then, that the previous four years of life with our older children were certainly not ‘normal’.

When our first set of twins were babies and young kids, well-meaning people, family and friends and teachers told us ‘babies are just fussy’ and ‘it’s just a phase’ and ‘oh, the terrible 2’s!’ Others occasionally looked down their noses at us for not being able to control our 3, 4, and 5 year olds’ tantrums, or for not being able to get them to help during clean up time, or for their frustrated whining when they had to put on winter coats and boots. I changed diapers in public to avoid the loud hand dryers in the restroom. I was always 30 minutes late because that’s how long it took to buckle in that day, or get the sock seams just right. And I even left them in the car while getting milk at the gas station because I dreaded having to buckle back up again if I had brought her in! But the commentators who judged those deeds and attitudes were wrong. Our older girls were not in a phase, or ‘just picky’. They certainly were spirited, but it was more than that alone. They needed special help, attention and lots of patience and love and encouragement –and not a stronger hand that some suggested we were lacking.

Having another set of twins at this point, though that may sound a curse, it was a true blessing from above. I raised them much the same way as their older sisters, and in doing so, I realized that they were made of different dust. Like their sisters, their similar temperaments might be related to their similar genetics or their early environment. Not that they weren’t unique in and of themselves with their own personalities and preference, they certainly were – but they were fiercely more similar to their own twin than to their other siblings.

Members of MVMOM have approached me and tell me that they weren’t going to try for a #3 because they were afraid that they would end up like me, and have twins, again. But my claim is that stress, tears and sleepless nights do not correlate to number of children alone.  Yes, it is true you have twice as many diapers and feeds to tend to. And two to keep an eye on and be sure they don’t tumble down the steps at grandma’s house. Two you have to carry if you are going to see the dolphin show, because strollers aren’t allowed. Two to buckle in and out of the stroller or cart while the other freezes in our -20 Minnesota winters. And it’s very difficult to take them swimming by yourself. But each child bares within her a soul, a soul that has no prototype and a body in which physical or mental handicap may not be readily discernable from personality. Certainly every time you bring a child into this world, you are submitting yourself to a higher power. Some parents are called upon to dedicate their lives to loving very fragile and needy little people through this life.

It was now that I understood why other mothers and teachers had made subtle, but accusing comments. Why some of my ‘friends’ gossiped about how ill-behaved my family was, and how ‘in over our heads’ we were or even tried their own hand at disciplining my kids. But they didn’t understand. They had but one, maybe two children years apart who could talk at age 2, who would respond to incentive and disincentive and who lived for their parents’ praise. They didn’t understand. They believed that if you train a child ‘the right way’, that child will turn out right.  They didn’t understand what it is like to buckle Helen in. They didn’t understand what amazing effort it took to get Ingrid to sit in one place for an entire meal. Yes, it is still my job to teach those things, but it is not as simple as it was for them with their own children. They didn’t understand that the way which is right for their children, is not the way that is right for mine.

Today, my ‘firstborns’ are 8. Helen will still only sit in the rear driver side because she can’t handle the seat belt going the other way over her shoulder, but she buckles herself – and one of her little sisters. Ingrid still can’t sit through a whole meal most days, but she eats enough to get by. We homeschool now too, because some things that are challenging for them are simply easier and better accomplished taking the trouble to teach them at home, than to struggle with at school. They do spelling tests…while swinging. They love to read bedtime stories to and playing pretend with their 4 year old sisters - and teaching them addition. They love to pick beans and berries from the garden and build with legos. They even help with the dishes and laundry every day. We can even take a ride in a car to a restaurant and have a decent meal without too much hoopla. 

Did I mention that we have another baby (yes, just one!), Michelle, who turned one this month?! And for those things, I am so thankful. And I am thankful that I am free from guilt for my kids’ challenges. But neither can I take pride or credit in how great my kids behave or how they ‘turn out’.  Rather, there is a way that is right for each child, and I am merely beating the bushes away, trying to find that path. For some children, the path is well worn, and obvious and easy to navigate. For others, you forge the path yourself because it has never before been done quite like this. You swing the machete through a thick forest, and often end up back-tracking to try a different route. But find the path for your child.  Heck, make it if you have to and don’t feel insufficient because you have to work harder than others you see skipping down the wide path across the stream. Just know that you have been chosen for a special child who needs the patience, the wisdom, and the love that only you can provide.

In Response to my Dear Friend's "ADD" post...

OK, so admittedly my dear friend posted his most recent with this disclaimer, "I post things that are offensive not to offend but to make you think about what and why is it offensive...This is me warning you..."

He then posted a photo of his kid being unruly in church with the caption "ADD: Awaiting Dad's Discipline - Dear single mothers it is a parenting issue not a mental issue." 

Full post is here.

Dearest Micah,

Be glad that I've known you for so long and that I can see your instigating yet open-hearted spirit behind this bold statement. And while I do also get frustrated with our society's propensity to slap a label on every sluggard habit and handicapping sin and call it some kind of disease or disorder that needs some sort of pharmaceutical to heal it - But, I must say that I heartily disagree with the premise of your photo-statement, that such disorders as ADD and the like are merely the results of a lack of fatherly - or any quality per se - of discipline or training. 


I have been uniquely blessed to have at least one child with pretty severe case of this disorder. I have been even more blessed that she has an identical twins sister wihtout the same bondage. They are similar in intensity, spirit, tenacity...you name it. But one child carries a suitcase of ADD, SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) anxiety disorders and potentially also ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) - though this last diagnoses has been disputed among providers. Oh, and her twin has only SPD. The road has been a challenge with both of them, even though they are only 8 now, but for the one with the more 'labels' it has been much more a challenge.

Before I knew of these diagnoses, I also carried around a suitcase of guilt for 4-5 years that I and my DH must be bad parents, and not have wise enough or firm enough discipline. I had genetically identical 5 year olds that were struggling with tantrums, and fighting and bad moods and all kids of problems - many related to SPD (before I knew what SPD was). Then, I had another set of genetically identical twins - though that may sound a curse, it was a true blessing from above, because in them, and in raising  them in much the same way as their older sisters, I realized, that they were made of different dust, and like their sisters their similar temperaments must be related to their similar genetics. They learned easily what behavior is good or not and craved my approval and affection enough to not wish to displease me. And they trusted me when I warned them of dangers. They were very enjoyable, but I knew I could take no pride in it as if it were a result of my wisdom or doing. It was then I understood why other mothers and teachers would look down their noses at me when struggling with my oldest set of twins, "spirited" and tenacious. Afterall, if you do the right things of course your children will turn out right, right? Bad kids have only one or two problems: bad or altogether absent parents...right?

Then please explain to me why my one daughter seems incapable of learning proper behavior from poor consequences. Its as if she likes to smash her head on concrete blocks. Over and over. She may cry in pain every time, yet something about it looks so enticing that she does it again, forgetting that it will still hurt the same next time. I did the 'right' things, I gave them choices with consequences for their actions. At one point, I gave her a sticker chart so that when she got just 10 stickers - not even consecutively, we could go to the restaurant of her choice when she earned them all. All she had to do? Answer when I called her name - not obey, not come running, not even verbalize...just simply acknowledge in sound or gesture or any manner that she heard me call her name. That's all. She failed over and over at this. One day, when I called her name and she did not answer, I brought it to her attention that should would not get a sticker again and she began crying and hitting her head and saying "Why am I so bad!?" It was at that point I realized...she wasn't bad. not at all. She was sick. Her heart desired compliance, but her heart somehow wasn't connected to her brain. She did not need discipline, or consequences or encouragement... she needed healing, love and lots of understanding, compassion and most of all, intense help learning to cope with and conquer her condition, potentially for life.

  Once I realized this, our family was, in a sense, freed. I was freed from the guilt that I somehow was responsible for the poor and challenging behavior my oldest set of twins. She was freed from intense pressure to perform outside her range of ability, even if other kids younger than her were able to do more. But one important thing we were not free from was the directive to train this child up in the way that is right just for her. She still needs to know right from wrong and  needs to find ways to overcome her impulsiveness and obey all that the Lord has commanded. We are still on that road, and now realize that it will be a long one for her, and not easy for any of us. It is the road that has so far lead us to homeschooling and doing my best to handle her gracefully, not angrily and sternly. I know we have and will make more wrong turns and have to back track at times. But with God's grace, we are building the road with love and wisdom, paving it with grace and walking on it in the light of His Word.

ok...so let's move on to your musing about "Why it is offensive" as you seek, because, ahem, it is. It is the occasional case that misbehavior is directly linked to a lack of appropriate discipline which a single mother who can't or won't provide it, IMHO. I don't know how often, because lets face it, until kindergarten and until having the experience of also raising 'normal' kids, I myself couldn't discern if it was my poor parenting or her built-in challenges. I don't think the research or resources to determine the answer to that question exist, in part, because we can, and are often pressured to drug our children rather than heal them and train them - we have in a way, eliminated or blurred the control group. I am not belittling all use of medication for mental illness, but the truth is that these disorders are not caused by a lack of pharmaceuticals in a person's body...there is something at the core which is 'out of order' in them, often in the brain. And the brain is highly resilient and plastic. You don't heal a broken arm with pain medication alone, and I believe every person deserves a chance and true healing the best we can attempt it before resorting terminally to lifelong medication as a crutch. That is the road we have chosen and why we have chosen it anyway.

But back to the single mother...my first question is, why potentially could she not provide the training her child may need? I may not be a single mother, but I can tell you from the time I get up to the time I crash in exhaustion at night, there are several times throughout the day that I  have (of my 5 children) more than one kid at a time crying, fighting, throwing a tantrum or secretly doing some other misdeed simultaneously. There is only 1 of me. I can only speak to or comfort and train 1, perhaps 2, children at a time. I see my middle kids now developing 'middle child syndrome', needing more one on one attention than I can possibly give them and I stay home all day and don't even work outside the home!  I'm afraid that single mother is not going to have a chance at giving her kids the level of attention she wants to, no matter how wise and well-intentioned she is, especially if she has kids with special needs. She is probably carrying around a suitcase of mommy-guilt. So you want to make her already-heavy heart even heavier? Do you love that rowdy child of hers in the pew? For the love of God...go show her some love! Spend a Saturday with your kids doing a project at her house, babysit her kids while she can go get a haircut or have lunch or dinner with a friend or even spend some one on one time with one of her kids, go fold her laundry...every Tuesday. Don't do it once, do it every month, or every week so she has some ongoing support. And take 'single mom' broadly...divorced, separated, widowed, military, husband travels for work alot. How about single guys - do you avoid dating single moms? Maybe you just never thought of it, that God would actually call you to marry someone with "baggage", but all people have "baggage". Their baggage is just cuter, louder and poops more. Single moms need us all. So let's stop blaming them for all the things they can't possibly do themselves, and lets reach out to them instead.


Some books I really, highly recommend on the subject are Dr. Sears "ADD Book" and "Discipline Book" and "Fussy Baby Book" as well as a book called "Nurtureshock" by Bronson and Merryman.

Peace out brother...and I hope no rotten tomatos have given you a bad hair day. :)

Nanner

My big long Breastfeeding Post

So after a long pause in blogging, I'm back. At least for now, inspired by a class I am assisting in teaching tomorrow at Enlightened Mama on breastfeeding multiples. The following was taken from an email written years ago while I was BFing my second set of twins. It was sent to a new M.O.M. (that's mother of multiples) who was looking for general advice from an experienced, breastfeeding M.O.M. I sent her a long email, including much of what follows. Please read and enjoy for what it is worth. Sorry, it is a little disjointed.

First - realize you will be spending lots of time in a chair feeding babies.  If you can't accept that, then you will have a hard time succeeding.  Set up a 'nursing nest' somewhere convenient in your house with a comfy chair and a TV tray next to it with all the essentials.  Mine has magazines, paper and pen for jotting down grocery lists etc., lotion, nipple cream, my breast pump (on floor below table) and even my laptop so I can read what's going on! (even if I can't type).  It makes the time spent nursing seem pretty short.  It's in the living room in a place where I can also see the kitchen so I can keep tabs on my 4-year olds.

Second, realize that building supply may take time - it did for me.  Only perhaps 2 weeks with my first babies (but they were nursing constantly!), but probably almost a month for my second set before we were totally done with formula.  We used Enfamil Gentleease, because our first babes had so much trouble with food sensitivities.  When I did try to use the samples of regular formula they did seem to make our babies more fussy. 

Feed. Supplement. Pump.  You dont' have to supplement every feed, but you will know when your baby is getting frustrated at the breast because she may come unlatched, crying.  Try pumping for 10 minutes every time you supplement.  But don’t stress yourself out – you have 2 tinies and perhaps even some older children to care for. even if it's not right after you supplement with formula, do after a another feeding that day.   This comes with a caveat though...I didn't worry about pumping until my milk came in at 2 or 3 days.  You need a break those early days. I refused the pump at the hospital and the lactation consultant gave me a raised eyebrow.  I reminded her that I had done this before and was sure the milk would come in as long as I gave my newborns plenty of boob-time (which I did...I would let them go for 45 minutes if they wanted to).  You can pump in the hospital if you find it convenient, it may help your milk come in faster, but if it is stressing you out, just skip it. Your milk WILL come in if your baby is given time at your breast, don’t be afraid to wait out the arrival of your milk without a pump!

I too breastfed right after birth.  Tell your hospital staff that you want to breastfeed as soon as possible after birth.  For my first set of twins they were 35 minutes apart and I had Baby A at breast before B was born to help with contractions.  It was awkward laying down, but it worked.  With my first(s) they brought the babies to me to nurse every 3 hours...asleep, awake no matter what.  It was a little over the top for term 7lb babies and totally exhausted me.  The second time was a little too far the other way.  If the babies were sleeping, the nurses would say 'You want us to wake them, why?'.  Times change I guess.  Just try to nurse them at least every 2-3 hours, until your milk comes in.

If no specific directive from your pediatrician, nurse them every 2-3 hours during the day plus whenever they 'request' it.  I'm sure they will let you know if htey are hungry at night.  This means that you may need to wake them up during the day to feed them. Granted, if they just finally fell asleep after a long fuss and 20 minutes later it's been 3 hours since you last started feeding them (this was always the case with our first twins!) don't kill yourself waking them right on schedule like I did at first!  Just be reasonable, let them get some rest and start it all over after they got to sleep for 45 minutes.  With our first set we succumbed to the relatives’ requests of  'why wake a sleeping baby?!?' and entertained visitors all day, and fed babies all night.  After a week we learned our lesson:  Feed baby during the day or baby will wake you all night!

Get a prescription nipple cream if you need one.  There will be alot of action on those nipples and I had problems with cracking both times. supposedly, you should never have troubles if your baby is latching correctly, but I just don't know that's totally true.  With hungry full term twins who are let nurse on demand I had trouble with one nipple both times even though the lactation consultants said her latch was fine.  and strangely enough, the same babies didn't bother my left nipple. (or didn't bother it as much).  I'm convinced it's because my right boob and nipple are much bigger than my left, and their little mouths just weren't big enough to nurse in a totally compatible way.  So just realize that there no matter how 'properly' you and your babies are, there may be some soreness.  whenever my nipples got really sore, I just pumped that side for the next 12 hours and it would start healing nicely. (prescription steroid nipple cream also very helpful here!)

I agree tandem nursing saves lots of time.  It is very difficult to tandem nurse though in the hospital.  I did it a few times with our first set just ot practice.  The second set I only did it at home with the boppy in my 'nest'.  It is difficult because that babies don’t know how to latch on their own yet, so if one comes undone, you don't have enough hands to get him re-latched.  Don't stress over tandem.  I recommend trying side laying nursing in the hospital though - this was a life saver for me!  I don't htink I could have nursed twins without being able to snooze a little while I nurse.  If it makes you nervous, set a radio alarm to quietly wake you in a few minutes so you don't fall into a totally deep sleep.  I always turned on the lamp as my subconscious reminder not to fall into a deep sleep and that worked for us.

I am no lactation consultant, but I highly recommend using bottles for supplements and even if you don't need to supplement, doing at least a bottle a day with breast milk.  My first set of twins refused all bottles at about 5 weeks because they didn't get one often enough, and boy was perhaps the most difficult aspect of thier first year of life! My first hospital stay they never offered bottles and we cup fed. When I had the second set of twins, they (the hospital Lactation consultant) said that nipple confusion doesn't really happen and I should just use bottles because its' so much easier.  I agree.

Finally, when it comes to maintaining an adequate milk supply, I found that it was helpful that when my babies slept longer stretches at night, I would wake up dripping.  When this happened, I went and pumped then the babies would drink that the next night when they were stockpiling for thier big long stretch.  But it worked because it evolved into them sleeping through the night at 3 months yay! I pray for that for all MOMs!) and I would pump before I went to bed (if it was a late night for me) or early in the wee hours (if I turned in early that night).  Then they would drink that the next night when they were clusterfeeding and stockpilingso they could sleep and what they didn't drink I stuck in the fridge.

 Good luck and best wishes to all you !!!!!

Getting Ready to Breastfeed Twins

With all the benefits of breastfeeding, many moms strive to nurse their babies at least for a few weeks, and some for much longer. While breastfeeding one baby has a steep learning curve and struggles, breastfeeding two or more can bring a whole new variety of challenges and complications. The most common challenges to breastfeeding twins relates to the fact that many twins are at least slightly premature.  Even a birth date at 35 weeks – which is only 1 week shy of what is considered ‘full term’ for twins - can affect a baby’s ability to nurse efficiently. And even breastfeeding healthy full-term twins brings a set of challenges that most moms and lactation consultants have never encountered.

Honestly, I want to warn you that the greatest challenges of breastfeeding for me were not logistic, nor physical. They were mental – either self-imposed, or imposed under the pressure of a well-meaning but short-sighted lactation consultant or nurse.

If you want to breastfeed your twins - exclusively or not -and make the whole experience a lot easier on yourself, I recommend you invest some time researching and learning now before the babies arrive…finding time to read and comprehend a book while playing ‘Hot Potato’ with 2 crying newborns is simply not enjoyable or effective! Read (ok, at least skim) a good comprehensive book on breastfeeding like this one...

Find a breastfeeding 101 course from le leche league, your hospital, birth center or birth and parenting education center. Nothing beats the getting the 411 in person from someone who knows what they are talking about!

Get a phone number of a lactation consultant or counselor. Try to get a referral from a friend or acquaintance who had a good experience. Also, find out how she charges - if by visit, or for calls or both. (Some may charge two fees for twins, even if they only have one visit with you. You really should not have to pay for twice when they truly only have one visit, unless they are doing extensive coaching/examination of each baby and spending twice the time doing it). Also, you should also call your insurance company to find out if L.C. is covered. - Note sometimes it is covered better or only during your postpartum hospital stay, but not thereafter. If you do have questions or problems breastfeeding when the babies arrive and sleep is in short order, the hardest part is already done –finding an expert to call, and all that’s left for you to do is pick up the phone!

Create a ‘nursing nest’. You will be spending a LOT of time with your little nurslings. You might as well do it as comfortably as possible! If you have a rocking chair, glider or other comfy chair you plan to use, create a ‘nursing nest’ with it. (If you don't have a special chair, pick a spot on the couch or other chair with space to keep supplies nearby) This means choosing place that makes the most sense for your lifestyle and schedule. Yes, instinctively you may want to place it in the babies’ room, but that may not be the best option depending on your family and preferences. For instance, since I had 2 older 3 year olds, I put my nursing nest in the living room so I could watch and interact with my other kids and make sure they weren’t getting into trouble! Next to my chair, I put a TV tray that could hold my laptop computer or a book or magazine. On the window sill of the other side of the chair, I put a small basket in which I could store all sorts of essentials – nipple cream, TV remote, an extra burp cloth, tissues, my breastfeeding reference book and my big kid’s favorite finger puppets. I also kept the boppy leaning right next to the chair as well as my breast pump.

Here are some other recommendations just based on my personal experience...

Nursing Bras

Buy just one or two nursing bra in advance, buy different styles so you can decide which you like best after you are nursing. Get one that fits even while you are pregnant, but err on the large side as your bosoms will soon have superhuman elastic capabilities. It was much easier to know what fit well AFTER I was actually nursing. Then you can stock up on your favorite bras. I also highly recommend nursing bras with one-handed access – NOT SNAPS! Sometimes you just don’t have 2 hands available when you have 2 babies!

Comfort measures

I recommend getting the gel pad ‘soothies’ and a good nipple cream. I like the cocoa butter oil-based version that is not sticky like the lanolin and it goes on nicely even if you’re a bit chaffed.

Breast Pump

You don't usually need to buy this ahead of time because first, it is hard to know what you will need, and also they usually have them available a the hospital. Though, if you are pretty sure that you want a pump, you can buy ahead of time and shop for the best deal. If you will be going back to work at some point, you will probably want to plan on buying a good pump. Some moms who stay home hardly, if ever, use one. If you aren’t going to buy your own breast pump, try to rent or borrow one. It will really help you build supply for the first several weeks and when your babies have growth spurts. If you do borrow one, you should probably buy all new parts for it at a baby superstore near you, or order online.

Find other M.O.M.s who know

Get connected with a good twins club/ moms club in your area. You will no doubt have questions or need input that is best found from other mothers of twins who have recently been in your shoes. If you can’t find a local club, join an online forum like are available at babycenter.com  that has mothers of multiples groups (like this one).  They are usually free of charge and full of compassionate women who have wisdom and experience they are eager to share.

Gentle, Patient and Kind...sibling (and parent) readiness!

Well, just a quick post to say...I'm late! I've never been on known for being on time, so it is fitting. My due date was 2 days ago. I had a checkup yesterday and everything looks great, so we are just waiting and this point. People ask me if I'm antsy, but really, no. I can wait for this baby to be ready. I have plenty to do in the meanwhile...like clean, work on some blog posts, heck, I even have some 'work' to finish up and a church website that I am helping put together. I am almost hoping for an extra week or 2 actually! But even if I didn't have that, I still would have my other kids to play with and spend extra time with. Which I am trying to do now.


When my older ones were 3, and we were expecting the second set of twins, I really didn't do too much 'prep' that way. I simply tried to keep them involved in the pregnancy, looking at my belly and feeling the babies kick. Asking them what they wanted to name them (Ellie and Jo were the answers! Not bad for 3 year olds I guess!) Talking about what the babies would look like when they are born. Dispelling myths about how they would not be able to play with the babies much until they were older. And how little babies put things in their mouths and can choke so it will be important to keep the little toys upstairs in their room (really, you don't have to worry about this until the babies are about six months old!). We talked about how the babies would drink milk from my breasts, and how they might cry alot and how mom will need lots of help getting diapers, blankets or towels. 

After the babies did arrive, I also made sure to spend some extra fun time with my big girls on a special outing every week or 2 for that first month or so after the babies arrived. The grandma's were glad to help babysit the little ones so I could take the big ones to the zoo for a few hours, or even just to the mall or the grocery store.


And in fact, when the little sisters arrived, I don't remember having any problems of jealousy or indifference or anger. Both the big sisters were nearly four years old at the time, and were really quite proud and interested in this phenomenon of each having a baby sister (they basically claimed who belonged to who! But the concept quickly faded over time!). Not that we didn't have problems! Just not those ones...


But what's been on my mind now, is how crazy life in our house is already, and how much crazier it  is going to be very soon. How to manage 5 different kids with various attention spans, anxiety problems, emotional regulation difficulties and cognitive ability to understand why a baby needs my attention more than they do for the moment.I've been paying extra attention to the things that are going to be hard - like teaching my kids to be patient when they need something from me. Right now, I am usually available quite immediately. But with a tiny baby, I've explained to them that I might be feeding her, or getting her to sleep, and that they may have to help themselves or manage to wait PATIENTLY for a few minutes. In fact, most times that there is fighting or crying in our house (remember, the twins are ages 3 and 7!) it is almost always because someone is not being either gentle, patient, or kind. I guess it's my new version of how to prepare your older kids when you are having a baby, or babies...

I've focused on three character qualities. "Gentle, patient and kind" has become a mantra in our house. Every time someone teases their sister, fights over something or simply has a meltdown waiting for a turn or waiting for me, I start asking them, "Is that the way you should behave?", "You need to be gentle, patient and kind...which one are you having trouble with right now?". If it is a fight between the two older ones, or an older and younger one, I will ask the older one "What just happened?" and "What should have been done differently" and while they are quick to point out the faults of the other involved, I also point out how their own kindness, gentleness or patience was lacking, and then usually tell them to practice saying or doing what they should have.

Is this working? I don't know. So far, perhaps for one of the older ones...a little. We'll probably have to keep it up a long time I guess. I figure, it certainly can't hurt! Meanwhile, I am practicing those traits myself! The best way to learn is by example, and it is really hard to expect your kids to not yell at one another, if you yell at them. Or to wait patiently for things, when you are not patient when you want them to get their shoes on and get in the car, or to be gentle and kind and when your voice gets strained when you tell them for the sixth time to do something or push them away abruptly when they are teasing their sibling. I found the bible verse to be very true - before you remove the spec from your brother's eye, you must remove the plank from your own eye! After all, could I really blame my kids for saying 'shut up' to each other, when they heard it from me first? I could say similar things about my husband's habits. It is really an exercise for all of us I guess. Here's hoping that it lends to a more peaceful atmosphere in our house...

Packing for the Hospital When You're Expecting Twins

So, I hung out with a friend tonight who was asking 'How many weeks are you now?'. I just hit 37. "Any Day now!" she said. I've been telling people that if I were the 'betting type' I wouldn't put any money down until August! (My due date is July 26). I told her that I didn't even have my bags packed yet, nor the crib up...she said I was crazy. No. I'm just busy, and after carrying 2 sets of twins full term only to be induced at 38 and 39 weeks, I figure my chances of having a singleton before her due date just aren't very good. Though, I suppose something flukey could always happen, but I'm not anticipating it! Anyway, on the way home, I decided tonight would be a good night to pack my bags. Correction, tonight would be a good night to sit here and type what my husband is packing as I dictate it to him :)

If you are expecting twins, you should DEFINITELY pack your bag before 37 weeks, as the average twin mom has had her babies by then! I think it was just after 30 weeks that I packed my bags when I was having twins.

1. My Nightgown. 
I didn't get through either of my first two labors in the hospital gown - too hot and uncomfortable. The first time I ended up nude (long story - I had been in the shower for a while and never got dressed afterward) the second time I shed the hospital gown after a few hours in favor of my strapless, much lighter, cooler nightgown - which we had to cut the strap and re-tie in order to get it on over the IV drip machine.

2. Microwaveable Heat-pack

Though the hospital staff frowned upon us using this (I'm sure we could sue them if my husband heated it up too hot and burned me or something asinine). I consider it an absolute necessity. It is great both during labor to help relax muscles and definitely afterward when the cramps kick in and the ibuprofen wears off. Of course the hospital has heat packs, but they are the chemical kind that are about the size of your hand and get about as warm as your armpit on a summer's day. You can make your own simply by buying a large tightly-knit tube and filling it with rice or flax seed or corn and knotting the opening. Simply heat until desired temperature in the microwave at 30-second intervals.

3. Slippers
For sliding on and getting around the hospital and not having to mess with tying shoes. Dad might want to bring his too. This is especially useful if you are there for a longer stay if you have a C-section.

4. My 'Away Bag'

This is just my toiletry travel bag which I always keep fully loaded and ready-to-go in under my bathroom sink. It has all the necessities like shampoo, deodorant, toothbrush/toothpaste, lotion, hairbrush, etc. It also has all my husband's similar necessities so we don't have to lug two bags everywhere we go.

5. Some labor necessities
This is mostly things that are already in your 'away bag' but that I wanted  to point them out individually, because to be without them can be torture. a) chapstick (need I say more?) b) hair bands or ties. I had some brand new ones during my first birth and I didn't realize that they were too stretchy and wouldn't keep them pigtails in my hair! c) your preferred nipple cream...I think most hospitals provide lanolin, but I am not sure! d) glasses AND contacts if you wear both (you may find one or the other hard to manage during labor...especially if you get hot or in the tub/shower and your glasses fog up! It was SO annoying to have then constantly falling out and in every picture you can hardly see my face because it is usually covered by my hair! If there is anything else you personally want that would be helpful during labor, like a photo to focus on, or a squishy stress ball to squeeze, or massage oil or scented oils, or music, or WHATEVER...jot it down, or put it in your bag now.


6. For Dad
Change of clothes, including sweatshirt! (can you tell I am a freeze-baby!), slippers, glasses &/or contacts, snacks, pillow, toothbrush and toothpaste, comb, razer, shampoo, etc. I think many of these things are mentioned elsewhere, but I wanted to put a summary here!

7. A Book, movie, or some knitting, just in case

Not that you expect to go have a baby in the hospital and have a lot of time to kill in the meanwhile. BUT let's just say, you never know. I was admitted with my second set of twins being told I was to be induced straight away. After a night of Cervadil, my care got transferred to a different doctor who sent me home to take some medication before being induced again a few days later. But not after spending about 18 hours in the hospital just sitting around waiting to consult with various doctors and specialists and for discharge papers and such! I was so glad I had brought a book and some tinkering projects. I thought they were maybe trying to squeeze another night's billing out of me...

8.Snacks

This is a broad category. It could be snacks you prefer for during labor, if you are lucky enough to have a care provider who will let you eat (or plan to anyway). Snacks for after delivery when the hospital meal just doesn't quite cut it. And don't forget dad...after all, the hospital doesn't bring him a lukewarm plate of slop every 4 hours, so if the cafeteria isn't open, he's on his own looking for a Taco Bell all-night drive thru or grabbing a granola bar! It's also a good idea to make sure you have some small bills and change for vending machines.

9. Cell Phone & Charger

After all, you might like to make some phone calls about your new arrival! And even if you can't use your mobile phone in the hospital, you'll probably need the phone numbers from it, so make sure they are all in there!

10. Your favorite pillow

Make sure it is in a notable pillow case so it doesn't get mixed up with the hospital pillows. It will be handy when you need 100 pillows to tandem nurse, should you get that ambitious while you are there! AND if your hubby stays overnight with you, he will really appreciate it too!

11. Nursing Bras

This will be nice to make you feel like a 'real person' again under that hospital gown or pajamas you brought!

12. Some nice granny undies

The hospital will provide you with these lovely, massive, disposable grandma underwear things. They are ok. If you would rather wear your own actual cotton massive granny undies, be sure to bring them with - and be sure they are big enough to house a sanitary pad with built-in cold pack that is the size of a phone book!

13. Clothes to wear home

Just don't get too optimistic about getting into your favorite jeans again...definitely bring something with an elastic waste-band or better yet, a maternity dress.

14. Camera/Video Camera/Charger/ Batteries!

Don't forget, you'll want to have a few pics or videos to remember your babies' special day! It is also good to bring some disposable cameras, as nurses and friends are more inclined to pick those up and snap some memorable shots than they are your big breakable, confusing DSLR. If you are delivering in an operating room (standard procedure often times even for vaginal twin births), make sure film exposure for the throw-away camera is for outdoor use  because the lights in there are BRIGHT and if you get a camera for indoor use that has better film exposure, your pics will all be washed out like ours were. :(

15. Your birth preferences or birth plan
If you have one...this is a handy way to communicate to nurses and staff what your preferences are for labor and delivery, without having to state them 100 times - which is kind of tuff when you are having a contraction anyway!

What to pack for your babies...

16. Special baby blankets, if you have them

Here, it is COLD in hospitals, in winter, it's cold because it's winter. In summer, it's cold because the air conditioning is set to keep it winter inside. The hospital blankets are simply cotton, so you may want a little heavier one for your little bundles. If you have a special blanket you made or were given for them, it will be precious to have in photos, and if the blankets are a little different, it will help you tell whose bassinet is whose as just a glance without having to read the 'fine print' on the bassinet tag. We actually made simple little name tags for in our bassinets cut out in the shape of a heart with some little stickers.

17. Special baby hats, if you have them

Your babies will each get a little hat when they are born to help them maintain their body temperature. If you have special baby hats that someone gave you or you purchased, now is a perfect time to use them! And again, if they are slightly different, it is handy to help you tell them apart without looking at their wrist bands, in case they happen to look alot alike!

18. 1-2 simple outfits to wear at the hospital

As I said before, where i am from, hospitals are cold. Here they provide a tiny wrap around shirt for your baby to wear, but that doesn't do much if their toes are cold! We brought a simple snap or zip up sleeper jamma for them to wear. Some hospitals also have volunteers or services that will take your babies' photos so you may want to bring a special outfit for that.

19. Special going home outfits

Again, you may want this to be weather appropriate. As much as I may have loved to have cute dresses for them with matching bonnets and pinafores, it just wasn't going to work with Minnesota February when the temperature ranges from minus 20 to about plus 20. Our special 'coming home' outfits were a cute pair of soft fleece polka dot pajamas!

20. Car seats

Where I am from, you can't leave the hospital with your baby without one...need I say more?